"Keep telling yourself that..."

So, yesterday was Valentines day. If you don't know me, I'm single so naturally, its not the best day of the year. Most of the time, its the one day of the year that reminds me that I'm alone. (like I don't have 364 other days that tell me the same thing.) You see, I'm 26. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "so what?". Well, to be quite honest, I'm beginning to feel like an "old maid". In fact, I've even been told that I'm an "old maid" by some of the sensitive and brutally honest farmers that come into the business I work in. Last year, Valentines day was bad. (I don't think I'll ever forget that day.) But this year was different. Now, I don't want to go off on a rant and I don't want you to think that I am crying. I know that there are bigger things than me that are out there in this world and I know that larger problems exist. But you see, I have been faithful to God and this is the one desire of my heart, to find the Godly man that God has for me. I have been waiting for many, many years. But, I feel let down sometimes because I don't see it happening. So, I go on spending holidays, birthdays, significant events alone and with no one to share them with. Sometimes I feel very alone. All of the people I see everyday are married and have been for quite some time. They don't understand the fear that grips me when celebrate a birthday and realize that I'm getting older and I'm still alone. Am I gonna be this way when I'm 30? 35? 40! It gets a bit scary. But, in spite of all of those feelings, this year I resolved to have a happy Valentines day.
So, I was in my co-workers office (a dear friend of mine) and we were talking about the impending "holiday". And as the griping went on I said "Jesus is the only one I need." To this, my friend responded "Yeah Steph, keep telling yourself that". I know that it was just a light hearted jab, but it got me thinking. Is that what everyone thinks? Those who are watching my life from the outside, look at my life and think that I'm never gonna get married. They think that no one wants me and even if they do, I never go for them. They think that I'm never going to find the kind of man that I'm looking for. They probably think I'm just perpetually single. And you know what, those thoughts go through my head too.
You see, when I was in high school, I experienced the "High School Sweetheart" syndrome. And, as in many cases, I was left with a broken heart. When that happened I gave my heart to God and I told Him that my heart was His. I promised to wait for the one man that He has for me and I promised not to give my heart to anyone else but the one man that He has for me. The Godly man that would share this walk of faith with me. So far, I have not see such a man come my way. Yes, I have been pursued by many, but they were missing the key ingredient...a relationship with Christ.This is why I'm still single. I also live in Olton and there just doesn't seem to be anyone like that around here. Ans if I do go out and I'm in a christian setting, all the guys are either married or they don't even look at me. So, what's the problem?
I don't feel that I am going about this wrong. I said I would wait and wait I shall. Is this easy? No! Please don't look at the single people in your church and for one minute think, they have it made. You don't know their hearts and struggles. You don't know how lonely this road may feel for them. Praise God you have someone to change your oil, throw the trash, or even help you pay the water bill. Praise God that you have someone to talk to at the end of the day. Praise God! It can be a real struggle to make God your everything when you feel like something is missing. And most of the time, we singles feel guilty for getting down about being single because we feel like we aren't making God our everything (at least I do).
But this Valentines day was different. Instead of sadness, I felt joy! Instead of anxiety I felt peace. It was a great day and I praise God for that. I really prayed that He would help me have a different attitude this year. I didn't want an attitude of sadness but I wanted an attitude of praise. And, just like the faithful God that He is, God came through for me. Not once was yesterday sad. Not once did I feel lonely. Not once did I feel down. It was a great day to be alive. Jesus really is the only one that I need!
I know God has someone for me. There are days when I get excited to see who I've been waiting for. I know he will be worth the wait. I know God will reward me. I know God has a plan. Until the day that the Lord chooses to bring me that man, God will be the only one that I need. Forever and always. And I will keep telling myself that because its true.